October 19, 2012 is a milestone event in our lives. It's the day that my husband Steve retired from his corporate career. His company hosted a wonderful party for him last night, and it was rewarding to meet his ex-colleagues and staff and hear them recount stories of their time working with him.
Steve always said he wanted to start his first day of "freedom" at St. George's Heights, sipping champagne and watching the sunrise. Frankly, the last thing I wanted to do after a very late night, was get up after only four hours sleep to watch the sunrise ... but I am so glad I did. Yes, when the alarm went off at 5.15am, it was a rude awakening, but dutifully I got up, dressed and ready to go. I didn't want to spoil this day for him.
Driving there was so easy. No other mad people were up at that time, and for the first time ever, all the traffic lights were green! We parked up, and walked to our favourite spot, and marvelled at the beauty of the calm water, the red sky and the lights of all the homes and offices around us and the surrounding area.
Apart from the pop of the champagne cork, the only other sound was that of the birds. Three or four rabbits came out and ran around the grass, and we sat, deep in our own thoughts, and watched the sun rise. "This is the best part of the day", Steve told me, and I had to agree - it was spectacular. He has seen it regularly on his early morning walks, and I suspect he will spend a little more time enjoying it in the future, without the need to get to the office hanging over his head!
During the lead up to this day, many people have asked me what impact having Steve at home is going to have on me, particularly as I work from home, and what is Steve going to do? When I respond that I am honestly looking forward to having him around more, and that as he has no idea yet of what he will do, I really don't know, they express surprise, concern, and sometimes their counsel!
The reactions have been interesting. Some have said that Steve has taken a brave decision. To me, this is just a new beginning - the start of a new chapter in our lives - and we are looking forward to the opportunity to shape it into something meaningful for us. And it got me thinking. Are you about to embark on a new beginning? Are you feeling excited about it, or slightly anxious? Or perhaps you have to make some decisions and you just can't see the wood for the trees? I've been in that situation many times. I understand how it feels. I know that deep down you have the knowledge and resources to move forward - and I can help you find that answer within yourself. If you'd like to find out more about how my Wellness & Performance Coaching can help you, contact me by email: firstname.lastname@example.org. And while you are waiting for a response, my weekly wellness tips and hints newsletter is a tremendous resource - just pop your details into the contact form and start receiving them straight away.
It seems more and more these days that we live life in the fast lane, with one eye on the road ahead and one eye in the rear view mirror sort of glancing at the scenery as we leave it behind. I see pedestrians literally pummeling the button at the pelican crossing to get the lights to change so they can cross the road a few seconds faster. I watch commuters grab a bite at the food stalls by the roadside and then run to catch the bus or train, not even thinking about the impact on their digestive system. Students scurry along the street, shouting into their mobile phones, oblivious to the rest of the world, and to the impact their actions are having on those around them.
Your company, the competition, business at general is all moving at one speed only – super fast – and to succeed you need to keep up, stay ahead or stay on top of things, and it is hard work. You are expected to grow or reinvent yourself to improve productivity and your work day has been stretched to 12, 14, 16 hours, but there still isn’t enough time to get everything done.
Technology changes faster than we can keep up, and because we don’t understand it, and cannot fix it when it goes wrong, we feel helpless and angry. It is easy to work yourself into a frenzy of frustration, while being more aware of the work piling up as you do so.
Being overly busy – or more accurately, being in a frenzy of activity, results in us being tired and less creative. Business fills our minds. We get overwhelmed and lose track of where we are going as we get so caught up in the tasks at hand with no way to relieve the pressure.
We become overly stressed and start focusing on only a few aspects of our lives – whether it is finishing a project, earning more money or dealing with a difficult relationship. Being so focused makes it hard to see the wholeness of life, and this can also mean missed opportunities.
If your head is always down at the desk then you may not see the perfect answer walking past. And it is hard to be creative and find alternative solutions when you are stressed and focussed.
Focussing too long and hard on one thing is likely to bring up negative feelings towards the issue and your life. This can be the start of a downward spiral – a journey that, once started, is difficult to stop – and the result is more negativity. Once in this state, the demands of life feel much heavier, and with this heavy weight on our shoulders, we lose the ability to reframe the situation. We lose all perspective, and “can’t see the wood for the trees”. Our judgement is impaired, our patience wears thing, we see everything as another challenge to overcome “as if I don’t have enough to do”.
We lose all sight of the end goal, we stop thinking proactively and go into reactive mode. Our clarity in thinking and in our vision is impaired, and we focus on how much we have to do rather than on moving forward and achieving results. Stepping back occasionally breaks that focus and has many benefits.
Would you ever drive your car for years without changing tyres, giving it a service or an oil change? What about an animal such as a horse – would you ride it all day without giving it a rest? Of course not - after all, that would be foolish, wouldn’t it? When you don’t take care of things, initially they may be slow to respond; they may slow down a little or maybe need some gentle coaxing to work, but in time, they just wear out. For a machine, a replacement part might extend the life of the product for a while, but if not kept in good condition, they eventually stop working altogether. In that condition, they are of little or no use to you. It’s the same for us. If we don’t take time out to “recharge our batteries”, we cease to be of use – not just to ourselves, but to those around us, too. How can you take care of someone else if you live in self-neglect?
So when is the last time you just sat and did nothing? Or watched a sunset in a quiet place? Or stopped and really listened to a piece of music? Unfortunately, doing things like that is uncommon in our busy lives. There are so many things we believe we ‘need’ or ‘have’ to do that we don’t take time to recharge ourselves and just stop occasionally. Shouldn’t there be more to life than rushing around and doing things every second of the day?
When you remain absolutely calm in the face of difficulties or frenzied activity, life responds. Clarity of mind, which comes from mental calm, will move you towards that even keel of inner peace and success. Calm works wonders. If we stop to reflect, we know that we are at our best when we are calm – and at our worst when we react hot-headedly. We all know that calm leads to greater effectiveness.
When was the last time you stopped to smell the roses? To really take in the beauty of the environment in which you live? When was the last time you walked on the grass, sat under a tree, did meditation or a yoga class? Taking time out of your hectic schedule to do something for you is not being indulgent. It’s a necessity.
Perhaps you feel you don’t have the time. In fact, time is all you have. Use it to create the space that allows you to let go of all the worries and responsibilities that are causing you stress. When you feel rushed, running from one appointment to the next, with your emails and voicemails piling up - STOP. Take time out. Switch off the mobile phone.
Rather than focusing outward on “solving the problem”, get connected to your body and your inner power. Take a deep breath. Accept that you can’t control events, the decisions of others, obstacles that arise or time itself. And remember that your outside world doesn’t have to equal your inside world. You can control your internal emotional experience. You can control “what is”. And suddenly, you will see solutions that previously were hidden from you and opportunities that you would otherwise have missed.